Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
