They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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