ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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