he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
