we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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