Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
