How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
