That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
