Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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