me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
