its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
