i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
