And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
