yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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