The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
