I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
