He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
