My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
