hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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