The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
