when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
