God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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