2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
