these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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