Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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