Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
