As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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