At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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