Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
