I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
