hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
