isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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