our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
