Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
