Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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