Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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