I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
