I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
