What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
