i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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