Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
