I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
honey bunches of taint.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
