I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
