why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
