Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
