She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
