It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
