Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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