Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
