i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
