Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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