I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
