My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
